I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
