He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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