theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
