Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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