Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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