Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
