Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
