after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
