Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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