awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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