3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
