At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
