My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
