Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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