When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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