Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
