We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
