Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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