You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
