Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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