Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
