I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
