FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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