He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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