Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
