If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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