Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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