Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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