..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
