So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
