so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
