This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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