Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
