An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's never too late to be topless.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
