Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize