this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
