We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
