well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
