oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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