im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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