her facebook's as public as her vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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