I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
