Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
