FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
