she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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