SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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