I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
