The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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