a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
