She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize