i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
