i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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