I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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