Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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