Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
