I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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