so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
