My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
