This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish you could order shots online.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize