I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
