gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
