you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
