Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
