we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
