i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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