Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I came so hard my ears popped.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
