who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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