i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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