I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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